That feeling when…

My activity level has been waning recently. But I’ve started feeling motivated to do more. I signed up for a couple of new classes at my gym to try some new things. I decided that my goal for the next month was going to be at least 15 minutes of dance movement every day. (Last month’s goal which I almost hit, was at least 15 minutes of any sort of movement each day.) I’ve started up drilling again.  I’m scheduled for a short vacation next weekend, and I’ve been eagerly anticipating  an opportunity to throw my yoga mat on the ground and enjoy some gorgeous scenery as I work my way through a couple of new flows. I’ve been doing some rather active yard work for the past few weekends. I’ve been moving, and I’ve been excited to do more.

And my art has come to the fore again. I’ve started working on a new show. Right now, it’s still at a stage that I lovingly call “idea vomit”, but details are starting to form. I’ve been reading, researching, and  seeking out other shows  and activities for the ideas they inspire, reading. (I’ll share more details as the show begins to take a more solid shape.) It feels great to have a start of a goal again!

And then things come crashing down, literally. Yesterday, I was standing on a step stool doing some of the afore mentioned yard work. I shifted my weight to reach the vine that I was trying to cut, and the step stool became unsteady and tipped. I managed to jump clear of the house, the bushes, the step stool, and the clippers I had been holding, and landed on my right foot. But the impact shifted my knee inward in a way that a hinge joint isn’t meant to bend. So now, I sit on my couch and wait for the swelling to go down enough to figure out what’s wrong. For better or for worse, my body has always taken soft tissue injuries over bone injuries to date. I know that my older-than-I-care-to-admit body will have a hard time recovering from this one. I know that I may have torn a ligament and need surgery with a 6 months-1 year recovery. And even if I don’t, movement will not be easy for the next couple of months. I will have to learn new ways of moving, and find new pathways as I attempt to adapt to new limitations. Part of me wonders if it’s time to give up on dance. Part of me keeps looking for a book of Pilates exercises so I have attainable movement while I recover.

And so, I wait for the pain and swelling to subside. I wait for the healing. And I wait to see where this latest “adventure” may take me.

My knee in an immobilizer

My view for the next several days.